A philosophy to live by

What's your flavor?

In some circles there has been a slight uptick in the discourse of sexual terminology.  This is mainly between the BDSM community and, essentially, “everyone else” in the world. What is the cause of this debate? Is it trying to make nipple claps the newest fashion trend in high school? Is it a fictional petition to replace the national anthem with Rihanna’s song S&M? That would be hilarious but, no. Then what is the issue?

According to the bitchmedia post Thinking Kink: Is vanilla sex boring? Who gets to decide? It relates to the use of the term “vanilla” in regards to non- kinky sex. The author of the post, Catherine Scott, wrote,” Vanilla was a term intended to simply differentiate between sexual preferences, but it was not necessarily meant to put down or diminish the value of non-kinky lifestyles.”

Is vanilla bad? If you think the answer to this is “yes” then you really should go back and read my post on Sexual Landscapes. Vanilla is not bad. In fact it is the furthest thing from it. That which is termed “vanilla” is as crucial to our overall sexual experience as genetic variation is to the survival of the species.

Over-dramatic? Not really. There are certain details that most people forget when they use the term negatively.

Everything starts with vanilla. It is highly unlikely that most kinksters actually had the first ever sexual experience decked out in latex and studded collars. Fetishes need to be discovered and nurtured.  They do not just spontaneously evolve.

Everything is just a variation.  For the most part the mechanics are the same. Pleasurable stimulation is applied to areas of the body. The only thing that changes is how the stimulation is administered.

Even vanilla has variations. Any one that bakes knows that there are different types of vanilla.  Just like in sex there are acts that are classified in the vanilla category that can bring about different sensations.

Vanilla is arbitrary. Since there is no actual definition for “vanilla” as it pertains to sexuality its meaning is dependent on the tastes of the person using it.

If vanilla has no meaning why write about it? Well, even the kinkiest people like a little vanilla ice cream on the side.

No Balloons, No Party

People that know me can verify I am a safety freak. As one of my YouTube addictions Ms Haley Star might say, “No Balloons, No party.” Playful. To the point. This statement is one to that I have adopted and recommend for others as a more fun alternative to “no glove no love”.

The problem with this is that many men still do not know how to find the right condom fit. The CEO of the premium condom company Lucky Bloke stated in the article Why Do We Romanticize Bareback Sex, "The kind of condoms that are sold in most drug stores or given away at campus health centers at best fit only half the male population, just as the same bra won't fit every woman, neither will the same condom fit every man.”

Some useful videos that I have found to help with this issue come from the mind of Paul Joannides, Author of The Guide to Getting It On, and posted to YouTube.

            Find the right fit is not something that is easy to do. Frankly, much like the people they are attached to, penises come in all shapes and sizes. (Pun not intended but, a delightful accident). The fit video is the first step to condom comfort.

            The Second step to condom comfort is putting on a condom properly. Many men, and some women for that matter, assume that condoms are self explanatory without reading the instructions. Many forget, or just don’t know, to pinch the tip of the condom to remove the air and create a receptacle for the semen after ejaculation. Failure to create the receptacle can cause the condom to break.

            There are a variety of barrier methods to prevent pregnancy and the spread of Sexually Transmitted Infections that I will discuss and compare in later posts. Until then… It is not a party unless someone brings the balloons.

Sex-a-festo: Let’s Get Wicked

Wicked is a grassroots community organization dedicated to the promotion of public Health and Safety using common language that community members will understand. Our current campaigns are related to public consciousness raising about matters of sexual health and sexuality education.

While speaking at a 2006 EdWatch National Education Conference Senator Michelle Bachmann said, “You have a teacher talking about his gayness. (The elementary school student) goes home then and says ‘Mom! What’s gayness? We had a teacher talking about this today.’ The mother says ‘Well, that’s when a man likes other men, and they don’t like girls.’  The boy’s eight. He’s thinking, ‘Hmm. I don’t like girls. I like boys. Maybe I’m gay.’  And you think, ‘Oh, that’s, that’s way out there. The kid isn’t gonna think that.’ Are you kidding? That happens all the time. You don’t think that this is intentional, the message that’s being given to these kids? That’s child abuse.”

Are you fucking kidding us? In the day and age of the human genome studies we at Wicked think it is pretty clear that sexual orientation is not so easily influenced. Especially if people take into account all the statements on prenatal development and sex determination being in the first trimester. So let’s get to a real issue here shall we.  Bachmann wants to talk about abuse? Ok… Let’s Talk about it.

Let’s talk about how the Midwest is ranked second highest in cases of reported Chlamydia and Gonorrhea and ranked third in reported cases of Syphilis according to the 2010 center for disease control STD Surveillance Report.

 Let’s talk about how Indiana is ranked 24^th among the 50 states for cumulative HIV/AIDS cases based on the 2010 CDC State profile.

Let’s talk about the approximately 19 million new cases of STD Infections that are estimated to be reported each year.

Let’s talk about the $17 billion dollars that the United States Health Care system pays to STD related expenses such as testing and treatment. Not to mention the high costs for individuals when it comes to treatments that will go on for the rest of their lives.

Let’s not forget to talk about how some STDs have become so common they are no longer required to be reported.

                Are you getting nervous yet? If you are then you are a little behind because you should be pissed. We at Wicked don’t know about you but we were taught a very important phrase. You probably know the one we are talking about. It says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

  NEWS FLASH! These rights are not being fully honored.  Our liberty, which is basically our ability to govern ourselves, is being manipulated by our lack of resources. Our lives are being damaged because the resources we are not getting are not keeping us informed to how harmful many STDs can be if they go undiagnosed and untreated. We seriously doubt that anyone is going to be happy when they find out that they have syphilis and it is attacking their brain as it does in later stages.

                Now one argument is that testing is available to those interested. Apparently the people making this argument have not seen their sex lives as having a need for such services.  At home tests for STDs can cost around $100 per test.  Testing done through clinics can range from $20 - 90 per test.  Depending on the region the prices can be even higher.

There are some that say to go to your family doctor to get tested. To that we say… you got to be shitting us. Here is what you probably did not know about that. If a person goes to their physician there is a record of the tests run in their medical file. The same medical file can be requested by insurance companies later in life when the person applies for a life insurance policy. STD testing is seen as high risk behavior by many insurance groups and is grounds for rejection.

                Sir Tomas Moore wrote, “For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them.”

Society has set its people on the trajectory to be at a higher risk for harmful situations and then pushes them upon completion. By society I don’t mean some faceless corporation. We mean everyone. The people that built, and operate within, this system are the system. The society that the people built is doing this to the people. So let’s get real here. What was built by individuals can be fixed by individuals.

                Let’s fix it by getting rid of Abstinence Only Sexuality Education because this is the lack of education that sets people on a dangerous path to begin with. Besides, Abstinence Only programs are not much more than federally funded religious censorship tactics which actually takes away our “liberty” by still allowing someone else to decide what information we do and don’t get.

                Let’s fix it by not complaining about the lack of funding for these organizations dedicated to sexual health and doing something about it. When Seattle, Washington’s Gay City Health Project was having funding issues they worked with local businesses to create a Discount card system that upon donation based purchase got the shopper a discount when shown at certain local businesses. This helps with the funding issue for the health project, boosts sales at local businesses and stimulates the local economy. Everyone benefits!

                Let’s fix it by de-stigmatizing sexual behaviors. If people are not ashamed to talk about it then they will be more likely to find information that helps them practice safer sex. This could dramatically decrease the expected number of new infection cases reported to the CDC each year.

                Let’s fix it by working with Clinics to increase the availability of low-cost, or free, STD testing. 

Let’s fix it by getting to know what is out there. Depending on definitions there are at least 10 STDs circulating around the United States and for whatever reason only four are seen as reportable.  It is time to wake up and smell the latex.

Bachmann wants to talk about abuse? What do you call it when people rob their children of the information they need to protect themselves and then criticize them for making mistakes? We at Wicked define that as abuse.

Baldies and Manscapes and Bears OH MY!

In the early weeks of this blog I had made a post about Vajazzling, the practice of gluing rhinestones and studs to the pubic region. This is not a practice that I personally engage in or condone without consultation (adhesive allergies and skin reaction may occur if not done properly), however, vajazzling is not the only genital modification method out there. Yes, that is right, I am talking about pubic hair maintenance.

Believe it or not the way pubic hair, and body hair in general, is maintained can influence the way the body looks more than people realize. Pubic hair is subject to the same visual aesthetic rules that govern dressing for one’s body type. If you think about it there is some logic to this idea. The less shaped pubic is the less appealing the person may be. This is not a universal constant but a general rule of thumb. There are still those out there that enjoy a “nice bush”.

Think of it like stripes.  The width of the hair growth can acts like a horizontal stripe and can make the hips  and waist look wider. By narrowing the region of hair growth the stripe goes vertical and slims the waist. There are no real “golden rules” for grooming but there are websites with tips. Men can look here. Women can look here. If you do not identify as either look here.

A Few Valuable Resources

Here are a few resources I have found to be by far the most amazing.

Talk Sex with Sue – Nurse for several decades and answering callers questions weekly.  This is why I miss having the Oxygen Channel.

The Guide to Getting it on - Informative and entertaining. I have no words for how fantastic this resource is. Check it out to see all its glory.

More to come…

Basic Massage Tools

1.       Oil or lotion – This lubricates the skin of the one receiving the massage as well as the hands giving to reduce friction. This can also moisturize skin as well.

2.       Large towels of Bath sheets – These serve to cover the person receiving the massage and soak up any excess oils.

3.       Lightweight blankets – It may sound strange but the experience begins before the massage. Warming some soft Light weight blankets can increase the sensations and promote relaxation.

4.       Pillows/cushions – Pillows help create a comfortable place to lie down but they accomplish much more. Pillows can be used to help position the person and assist in holding the position during the massage. Under the head and neck as well as under the knees are good when the receiver is on their back. One under the pelvis helps when they are on their stomach.

5.       Candles – Overhead lighting may be overwhelming in intimate situations. Lighting should be dim enough to promote calm but bright enough to still see.

6.       Music – No Eminem remixes allowed here. Massage music should be on low volumes and not require much thought (in other words minimal lyrics). Nature sounds can also work here too.

There are other items that can be included in massages such as massage gloves and warming hearts. These are not required for a massage but are good if you have them to add spice and pleasure later.

Note: Warm blankets, music and lighting are all related to atmosphere. As I said the experience begins before the massage.